OCD

Originally posted: May 27, 2019

I have been going back and forth about this post for awhile now, but I want to be able to start a conversation. With this month being Mental Health Awareness Month, I thought this week would be as good as any. 

About two years ago I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or more commonly known as, OCD. After many years of thinking my brain worked a little different, and a couple episodes that were a little difficult to handle, I made my way to the doctor. I spoke to a therapist, took a questionnaire and discussed what they thought was wrong. The diagnosis was OCD. This is what myself and others close to me always thought, but having an answer was nice.

The therapist quickly jumped to medication that I turned away. I had watched people struggle with medication before and I wasn’t ready to jump into that. They moved to alternatives like therapy and working on my overall health, however I have yet to jump into therapy.  

Once we went over the diagnosis and I saw the abbreviation on the white board, I cried. Seeing that abbreviation at the doctors was more intense than I thought it would be, but having answers was extremely helpful for my anxiety. 

Society sometimes dismisses OCD and the anxiety that comes along with it. You often hear, “I have OCD” along with a chuckle from someone that was particular at that time. They aren’t feeling the anxiety and stress that your body feels when something isn’t making sense, or when you are not able to drop an idea or a task. Your mind goes into panic. You are trying to justify with a brain that just can’t seem to do it.

OCD is often talked about, but not discussed in a real way. 

It’s hard at times. I make jokes about being late because I was staring at an outlet. The truth is, I probably was. I do not feel like my time is more valuable than yours, but my brain and eyes couldn’t come to an agreement that the plug was in fact unplugged. I don’t want society to stop talking about OCD, but I do want people to realize that there is more to OCD than your clothes being straight. The clothes being straight is just the beginning, the struggle to get them there is whats hard. 

I was recently talking to someone close to me and they said they feel like people only see two extremes. People over diagnose it, or it is hindering someones life to the extreme. This isn’t always the case. Yes some days are harder than others, but I have a job that I am very proud of, and relationships that I hold close. 

My people are extremely supportive. Yes some may struggle to understand, shit I struggle, but my support system has helped more than I can express. 

I want people to remember that we don’t always know what’s going on with others, so be kind. Learn, ask, talk to people. Turning anyone away for how they think won’t help anyone. People talking about OCD and any form of mental illness is nice. People know it exists. I know my struggle is not bad. I have hard spells but I can get by. I know that there are many others with severe cases, and their struggle is much harder. 

But if you are struggling know that there are ways to get help. Honestly just seeing the words on the board and talking to someone just for a day helped. It got me thinking about ways to handle the moments, but I also know that my support system is pretty amazing. I don’t want to be on meds, and I’m terrified to dive into therapy. For now, I’m trying to find ways to calm my anxiety and get my whole body on the same page. 

This isn’t for sympathy. I don’t need that. I want people to understand more, educate themselves. Ask why someone is maybe doing something in a different way. We all approach life differently, and we all need a little more reassurance sometimes.